Equinox: the time or date (twice each year) at which the sun crosses the celestial equator, when day and night are of equal length.
‘Equinox’ defines my experience the night of Oct 29th. The joy and life that encapsulated the day backlight by the after-hours of almost equal length that tried to snuff out the light, that tried to steal the beauty of the moment, the gift of these people, places, and times. The uncontainable excitement of the day light hours, the experience itself crossed over to troubled hours in the night. My heart was so full when I left and wrung dry by sunrise.
It dug in, no part left unturned, untouched or unsearched. Required was brutal, vulnerable honesty, an embracing of my weakest humanity, releasing, realizing. It’s all like the grass that blooms and withers and fades, nothing resides. Nothing I have is mine. I did not acquire. It was given. Precious and priceless, are these times in my life. It is a gift to possess these moments. They are not a right. I’m not entitled to them. I can’t make them stay. In submission and surrender we get to receive them. In the following days as time was spent in ways unforeseen and unplanned, peace returned to me. Our times are in his hand. I’ll lay it all down. It’s his anyway. I’ll take each day, each hour, each conversation, each experience and glean.
‘You’re dressing up tomorrow night Right?’
Gosh darn it all. I gave a laugh in response.
‘So how all out are you guys going?’
‘Oh, as all out as it gets!!!’
‘Shooooot! I’ll see what I can dig up! See ya’ll at the show!!!’
What? It’s been like forever since I’ve worn any sort of costume just for kicks?!!! What is it right now? Why? Oh whatever. Now I’m in. I told them I would, sealed deal. What can I do and not spend any $$. I can’t help but smile. I guess this could be fun.
I pulled up to Equinox donning the only costume I could scrap together from my closet I have to admit it wasn’t too bad. I was oddly quite satisfied with it. There weren’t many people there when I arrived. I made the rounds of hellos, sat down visited with a few friends, though tonight I just couldn’t sit still for long. It had been a beautiful day but I was looking forward to burning off the rest of my restless energy dancing. Brother’s Fountain was finishing up the final touches setting the stage. They spoke it true. They all went all out on their costumes. I was laughing inside as we surveyed the crew. It was happy.
It was fun watching people come in. You could see some weren’t necessarily used to roaming about in costume. Others strolled in self-assured and confident. The variety of people and creativity was striking. It was so encouraging to see a few people arrive who had become acquainted with these guys’ music through the last month’s shows. New fans who appreciate their art and lives, the community growing. Oh that is so good.
For a few unnerving moments as the band began to play, I wasn’t sure what kind of crowd found this night. Many were sitting at the tables, enjoying, relaxing. Sometimes venues are a little more suited to sitting crowds. I got a little nervous, there was no way I was going to be able to sit still through this show. Luckily my nieces and nephew were there. I had some dancing buddies. I made it through half a song before I found myself completely unable to contain myself, getting lost in the music, lost in the moment.
I may be extremely biased and partial, so much so I don’t see details others do, but this night was so good. The set had a flow that fit the mood, space and general energy of the room. It allowed for dancing but also allowed for calmer moments. It was a night to remember no doubt. The room was packed. There was limited dancing space. People stood on chairs and patio walls. The costumes brought variety, beauty and uniqueness. Once again abundant, unadulterated joy. My nephew’s severe concentration as he watched and set his hands to air drums trying to match the rhythm. My nieces, dressed in their princess finest, the smiles that illuminated their faces as A Brother’s Fountain invited them to join them in the stage area and dance. A place of fun. A place of peace.
I don’t know if it’s weird to say, but I was so proud of my friends. The small and big ways they had improved from the last set. Even encountering technical difficulties they held it well. They owned it. On both micro and macro levels, A Brother’s Fountain had taken care of business. They played. They were relaxed and had fun, lovers of life and the people followed suit.
All my energy left on the patio at Equinox, my feet a little tender from dancing. I decided to call it a night, said good byes and headed to my car…
As I walked barefoot down the sidewalk unbeknownst to me a silent companion accompanied me. My thoughts were running through the evening. Recalling, committing to memory this night. It was so happy. A bit of confidence or countenance that was claiming space over me and thru me. These experiences that have been helping it grow have become natural. A more normal part of my life. I was thinking about the new song the band revealed.
‘Walking down the road thinking to myself.. reflecting on my life… Tryin’ to figure out, how to say goodbye”
“This was fun but it won’t last forever. Are you too enmeshed? Could you say goodbye? Just like dressing up tonight, temporary. Have you put on a momentary costume in life, for a time living in a fairy tale?”
” goodbye to bad things ,… greed…. my pride…. the old me.. my ego….”
Realization dawning. I need to take an honest look. I need to let go of my ideas and listen. I’ve been running along and haven’t checked in in a while.
…This is good. This is not good. This stays. This, Dear One, must go.
For inspection, for declaration. Lift up all you hold dear. People, All the places you don’t want to go. All the things you feel. All the places you hope to go. All the things you just don’t know.
Submitting. Kneeling. Letting go.
Loose to find.
Obey to be free.
Trust to find peace.
Embrace to receive.
Possess to have.
My hand is open. I’ll hold it all loosely. Keep or take whatever may.
Good always remains.
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